Hurricane Ike has been harshly degraded to a “tropical depression” after his failure to deliver to the greater southern area. Colleagues say that they could see it coming.
“I think that he just felt a lot of pressure in this system” says Katrina. “This is a dog-eat-dog business and only the great are remembered. He had all the makings of an epic storm, but just didn’t have that, what we like to call, ‘Storm Sparkle.’ Sure, 29 counties were declared ‘disaster areas,’ but a Category Two? He just wasn’t living up to standard.”
Friends report that Ike has TIVO-d every episode of Project Runway and refuses to change his sweatpants.
“I think he was just trying to impress Josephine, who is next up,” says Gustav. “That just made the situation sadder. This is even worse than the time he found Hanna going down on that guy in the elevator. Poor guy has lost all hope in women.”
There are reports that things have gotten so out of hand that Ike has actually befriended Lindsay Lohan. He is also trying to start a reality TV show just to pay the bills. It’s going to be called ‘Guy of the Storm’ and delve into Ike’s “normal” home life.
Although things are looking bad, Fay thinks that the clouds will break soon. “He has already started taking antidepressants and seeing a therapist. He told me that that he and Lindsay might even check into the Le Cirque Lodge together for some TLC. I just hope he doesn’t become a Scientologist.”