Huriphoonado Crosses World, Causes Unprecedented Destruction {The Onion}

Climate Progress likes to highlight fun articles on global warming and political matters from The Onion (“America’s Finest News Source”) from time to time and recently recycled a couple from previous years. I love this one, so am sharing here as well:

WASHINGTON—In what many are calling the most devastating natural disaster of 2008, a massive hurriphoonado touched down in Southeast Asia this summer, upending countless homes and drowning thousands before picking up speed and also ravaging the other six continents.

A storm system characterized by high winds, torrential rain, lightning, fist-sized hail, massive tidal waves, low barometric pressure, and six separate cyclonic eyes, the first-recorded hurriphoonado caused billions of dollars in property loss along the coast of China in early June. From there, meteorologists said, the weather system traveled inland, covering most of Asia Minor, where it sparked a series of even more destructive earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, monsoons, and landslides.

“The scope of Hurriphoonado Claire was unprecedented,” said Mark Mancuso, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service, who classified the hybrid storm as an F4 tornado, Category 5 hurricane, and Level 7 redemptive act of God. “By the time it surged through the Middle East in late August, there was little anyone could do but pray.”

“If only we’d evacuated all of Eastern and Western Europe in time,” Mancuso added. “And Northern Africa.”

Read the full story here: Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres.

This is actually my favorite Onion story I can recall, if you want more: Breaking Onion Story: Millions Of Barrels Of Oil Safely Reach Port In Major Environmental Catastrophe.

And here’s another one: Global Warming May Still Be a Major Problem

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