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Climate ChangeHumorScience

Antarctic Glacier Crack: Government Scam? (Sarcasm)

antarcitic glacier cracking

I’ve been meaning to write on the crack that has formed in Antarctica’s Pine Island Glacier (PIG) for days now. Clearly, this is just another government scam trying to convince us that global warming is happening. I mean, when climate scientists from NASA, NOAA, and several other places claimed that 2010 was tied with 2005 for the hottest year on record and it was the “34th-consecutive year that the global temperature was above average,” I was confused for a short time.

When the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and Al Gore won a nobel prize for their work showing that humans were causing global warming and this was a major concern for the world, and just about every scientific organization in the world supported their work and findings, I thought for a moment that maybe I should give them some respect.

When we supposedly had record disasters costing the world a record amount of money in 2010, I was on the verge of giving in.

And when a temporary climate skeptic (absolutely loved, for a short time, by global warming deniers) conducted a massive statistical study that came to the same findings as several climate science bodies around the world, I thought for a moment I should throw in the towel.

But then it hit me. There’s only one reason why all of these scientists and organizations would be saying the same thing — it’s a big government scam!

Look at this latest news of an Antarctic glacier splitting up and a massive iceberg being created in the process. This is something climate scienitists have been predicting for ages. Clearly, it was all planned. Otherwise, how would they have known? And, clearly, watching the videos of the scientists flying over the Pine Island Glacier right around the time the crack formed, you can see the videos are totally fake. And why did they notice it the same month as Halloween? Come on! Halloween = deception, lies, evil…. But let’s look at this a little more:

“US space agency (Nasa) researchers expect the eventual iceberg to cover about 880 sq km – an area the size of Berlin. It should break away towards the end of the year or early in 2012,” BBC reports.

Why is a UK news agency reporting on news about U.S. climate scientists — you know they’re all tied together financially and making millions off this. And isn’t it odd that the new “iceberg” will be the same size as Berlin. Anyone else see the connections? Berlin — communism, Berlin Wall. It’s the Berlin wall coming back! And an attempt to return us all to communism!

“The surface crack in the PIG runs for almost 30km (20 miles), is 60m (200ft) deep and is growing every day.” Adding up 30, 20, 60, and 200, you get 310. That’s essentially the same as 3/10, one day before the big disasters in Japan — it’s all tied together!

It’s amazing what scientists will do for money! (Thank goodness Republican politicians and intelligent people in the oil and coal industry can see through their lies.)

Plane flying over cracking Pine Island Glacier (PIG) via NASA Goddard Photo and Video on flickr




14 comments
  1. thanes

    Loved it. This is really what you have to believe if you are a Denier. Middle way is in all likelihood dishonest . What, exactly, is the Middleway in whether or not we should repeat the PETM? Voices like that are studiously crafted to confuse the public about what the scientific debate is. The public thinks that most scientists think there may be a problem. The real debate is way past that among scientists. The real questions are, if we aren’t already past the methane-release tipping point, do we have five years or ten until the emissions have to start coming down? And given the last IEA report, it seems like even the more conservative-minded groups are beginning to get very worried that five years is all we have left to really get something done.
    So thank you for you sarcasm. At least these Denier enemies of humanity are good for a laugh. I see you are a victim of Poe’s law, however, even though you followed it’s rules. Extremism and sarcasm are indistinguishable from one another unless clearly marked. I appreciate your clear marking.

  2. Ryan

    I got a bit nervous when I saw the title of the article. Glad to know it was a sarcastic piece (a quite funny one might I add.) However I have a bad feeling this article might make skeptics more powerful. I mean, do you know how many people just look at the titles of articles and leave?! Imagine if people think that even a green website does not believe in global warming….

    Eh maybe I am just being paranoid. I am only 15 so I don’t know a whole lot about the world yet. Please comment back I would love to hear your reply 🙂

  3. Middleway

    Zach, I know this is supposed to be sarcastic but I doubt you will win many minds by mocking their positions. I know that you “believe” in AGW and that you are anxious to “save the planet” but the people who are anti-AGW hold their beliefs honestly. And while you would like to argue that the “science is on your side” the reality is that science isn’t on anyone’s side . . . nothing is ever settled . . . I mean, after all, we just saw an announcement about faster than light particles . . . if that’s true then even Einstein was wrong . . .

    1. Zachary Shahan

      Middleway, I’ve written a response to this sort of statement probably thousands of times. I’ve looked into the “science” of global warming deniers for years (hint: there’s a reason why nearly every climate scientist on the planet and nearly every overarching scientific organization on the planet now concludes that global warming is happening, is caused by humans, and is a great concern — check out the stories on the right). i think i’ve earned a right to have a lot fun pretending to be a crazy global warming denier 😀

  4. John Anderson

    Wow, you’re dumber than a sack of hammers! No wonder loonies like you get laughed at by the rest of the world!

    Scientists have *clearly* stated that this crack is NOT the result of global warming, it is a natural occurance that happens every 30, or so, years! Get a clue for once in your life, and do the world a real favour!

    1. Zachary Shahan

      I know what the scientists said about this. I know that it is a natural occurrence. But it triggered the though of this sarcastic conspiracy piece, so I thought I’d have a little fun. Chill out, it’s not like the Earth is warming up so much it might not be livable for humans in 100 years (jk).

  5. Are you serious

    Also, Jesus was real, and the holocaust never happened. Either my blatant disregard for continuing to real your idiotic rantings prevented me from realizing that you’re being sarcastic, or you really are a retarded conservative idiot.

  6. Risho Mikus

    Zach, dude, are you kidding me? A multi-goverment coverup? I’m all into goverment conspiracies but this one and how your connect the dots is just hillarious! Maybe you ought wright comedy pieces or someting. Cheers.

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