Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to “Mind The Gap” and posted them on her Web site.
The messages include:
* “We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly.”
* “Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman’s chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert.”
* “Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers.”
* “Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage … If you’re female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He’s probably not had sex for months.”