Planetsave

Sperm Donors R. U.S.
By: Anthony J. Gerst

Vladimir Putin, Russia today has more money than sense. Your nation is besieged with problems. For example, the average life expectancy for men in your nation is 59, compared to the women at 72. Apparently this is caused by a discrepancy in personal habits, as Russian men suffer extensively from the hair of the dog, Vodka.

Just last week you came out with the ‘father of all bombs.’ Really, can’t you be more creative than that, and stop the juvenile, bullying activity of international one upmanship. Russia is not a world power, deal with it. Sorry, I can’t help but wonder about all the money spent on developing this toy, and the good applications it could’ve been applied too. You have the largest nation on the face of the planet. Yet, you only have a population of 143 million and that is rapidly declining. I heard today where you are going to have a national “GET BUSY,” holiday. Any couple who has a baby nine months later will receive a car as a prize. Your birthrate is 10 per 1000. You have a fertility rate of 1.3 births per woman and in order to maintain a stable population you would need 2.1, somewhere along the way you lost .8 of a child. Your death rate is outrageous at 15 per 1000, due primarily to the alcoholism that runs rampant throughout the men in your society. Your nation’s death rate is expedited by an inadequate health care system, which suffers because of misplaced spending on a military engine. Wow, does that sound familiar.

So here, let me help you out. We need to create a company, ‘Sperm Donors R U.S.’ Send over a fancy Lear jet and pick up ten highly screened men and fly them back to Russia for two weeks. Volunteers, I repeat, Russian women who volunteer and would like to have a child without the annoyance of a husband to raise, will participate in this program. Set it up so two women a day spend twelve hours with each man, of course you had better have a supply of enhancements on hand. Make a competition out of it, better yet a reality T.V. show, you could run several episodes a year. At the end of two weeks the team with the most confirmed pregnancy’s wins, give the lucky ladies three years of tax exemption, providing your citizens pay taxes. When the babies are born, provide two years of baby food and diapers, or a new car. In case of a tie you can have a pay-per-view showdown. In one day, twenty-fours, one woman per hour and the men will ‘get busy.’ You can run a nationally sanctioned gambling event on who will impregnate the most women. Who will last and how long, etc. etc.? At the conclusion send the boys home on a cruise ship, as they will need plenty of rest.

Considering however that you average 13 abortions for every 10 live births, you could simply make it more difficult to obtain an abortion. Not to mention you could offer better benefits for having a second child. Really, a national day for an orgy, the men will be falling down drunk, the women frustrated and the next day, nothing is going to get done accept lying about the great lays of the day before. The inept actions of governments the world over never fails to amaze me.

Tweet This Post

You might also like: