Onion: "We Raise All Our Beef Humanely On Open Pasture And Then We Hang Them Upside Down And Slash Their Throats"
I’ve always thought the idea of humane meat was absurd. It baffles me that people can even consider that term logical. For sure, I’d prefer that animals be raised in as good of conditions as possible. But the point that they are raised to be slaughtered makes the whole process inhumane. Would it be humane human meat if we raised the humans in half-decent conditions and then slaughtered them? No. So why is doing so considered “humane” with animals. It’s completely absurd, imho.
Apparently, some of the folks over at the Onion think the same. The title of one recent piece was: “We Raise All Our Beef Humanely On Open Pasture And Then We Hang Them Upside Down And Slash Their Throats.” Since I don’t think the Onion allows full reposting of its fake news, here’s the intro to the piece:
“Consumers today are more conscientious than ever about the choices they make at the supermarket. They want to know that the food they put on the table for their family is all-natural, environmentally friendly, and humane. And that’s why we here at Nature’s Acres Ranch hold ourselves to a higher standard and produce only the finest grass-fed and 100 percent additive-free beef. We guarantee that our cows are ethically raised on sustainably grown pastures before we hang them upside down from a moving conveyor and slice their throats wide open.
“Our independently owned family farm is committed to one guiding principle: making sure that you, the customer, receive the best-tasting, highest quality beef from cows that are healthy, active, and eventually suspended fully conscious inside a facility thick with hot, blood-choked air and the frantic bellows of dangling, profoundly fearful animals.
“That’s our pledge to you.”
Maybe not 100% how the meat business works — maybe better, maybe worse — but that’s pretty close to it. For the full Onion article, click on through.
Keep up to date with all the most interesting green news on the planet by subscribing to our (free) Planetsave newsletter.