Earth: I’ll Be Absolutely Fine
In a recent interview with UK website The Daily Mash, the Earth has revealed it isn’t worrying too much about global warming. In fact, it says that it will “…be absolutely fine.”
OK, first of all, stop writing me that email. I know that the Daily Mash is a satirical website. Secondly, stop writing me that other email, because this is still news. From the website;
‘Earth, 4,000,000,000, said last night: “I’ll be absolutely fine, seriously. I might get a bit warmer and a bit wetter, but to be honest, that actually sounds quite nice.
“Try living through an ice age. Pardon my French, but it’s absolutely fucking freezing.” ‘
The Earth is quoted as saying that it was “sick and tired” of being drawn in to the environmental equation. Our Earth wants us to stop trying to ‘Save the Planet’ and try changing out slogan too ‘Save Your Sorry Arse.’
“Look, I’m just a planet doing its thing, alright? If things want to live on me, that’s their business, but I’ve got important planet stuff to do, okay? Try being in elliptical orbit for five minutes, or balancing your gravitational pull with a medium-sized moon. Let me assure you, it’s no fucking picnic.”
I really laughed out loud when I read this, because it is in essence very true. I look back at my work over the past year and I think I can quite confidently say that much of my work has focused on the planet being habitable to humans in the future.
The simple fact is that, all the Earth has to worry about is whether the nearby Sun will decide to blow up anytime soon or not. For us though – humans on planet Earth – we have a different problem, and we should really begin to look at just what we’re screwing up. Are we screwing up the planet, or that which lives upon the planet?
“Who knows, I might end up being a haven for toads.”
Image Courtesy of NASA / Goddard Space Flight Center
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